


khrōma

by femmedefoi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Happy Birthday Remus Lupin, Hogwarts Marauders Era, Hurt/Comfort, It's a werewolf thing, M/M, Marauders, Sorry?, also the colors don't show up right when the two see each other, and his friends are the best, but it's really his boyfriend that's out of this world, except I didn't know the whole "i didn't see color before you" was a common soulmate trope, first wizarding war, gradual acquisition of color, i really ran the gamut of emotions here, it's a bit of a cry but it ends up alright, kind of a soulmate fic, no I won't apologize, or so i've decided, remus lupin is too pure for this world, sorry i did you dirty in this fic, wolfstar deserves the whole dang world, yes i just made a space pun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29954085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/femmedefoi/pseuds/femmedefoi
Summary: Remus Lupin has never seen colors the way others have, but he just assumed that was part of being a prepubescent werewolf. When they began trickling in during his Hogwarts years, he was shocked and amazed to discover how captivating they were. Looking back on his youth, Remus reminisces on how each color filtered into his life as he fights to protect a new generation of children poised for war.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 5





	khrōma

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I've been holding this fic close to my chest for MONTHS (and I do mean MONTHS—pretty sure I started drafting this in September) now. 
> 
> It's gone through a few changes here and there—aka I stole the entire middle section for a different fic—but it's practically done now, and I figured there was no better day to put the first chapter out into the world than on (the eve of) the birthday of Sir Remus Lupin himself. (I'd have done it on the day of, but your girl needs to sleep before she goes to work tomorrow.)
> 
> Hope you enjoy the labor of love that is khrōma—fasten your seatbelts, you're in for some sort of emotional ride.

Remus Lupin had never seen color the same way that others could, or at least, he didn’t have any memory of ever doing so. Sure, he was able to list off the names of the tones in a color wheel, but he hadn’t experienced them properly—not until Hogwarts. He thought he’d seen something shift when he boarded the Hogwarts Express but dismissed the thought quickly as he settled into a quiet compartment near the back of the locomotive.

It wasn’t until James and Sirius entered that Remus noticed the sepia tones. Previously grey items had a touch more depth and texture, and he found himself wondering if this was a normal development for a prepubescent werewolf. For the duration of the train ride, Remus stared at things—window panes, seat cushions, the boys in his compartment—to drink in the rusted tones he had never seen before.

The colors kept coming, though. During his time at Hogwarts, hues developed in his mind and manifested in his vision. The cool blues and greens of summer gave way to rich yellows and reds in autumn, and for the first time, Remus understood why people were so captivated by nature. The colors were breathtaking; even as a seventh-year student, Remus frequently found himself stopped in his tracks at the vibrance of the interwoven hues. He committed them all to memory as he left the castle. Crammed into a boat with his friends all gazing softly at the castle behind them, Remus closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, cementing each color in his mind. He’d mentally divided them into categories, each color representing different experiences, different feelings. They trickled through his mind as the boat crept towards the shore, saturating his memories with rainbow hues. 

* * *

Green had come first, in a slow wave. As the train began pulling out of the station, Remus made himself comfortable in the rearmost compartment. He glanced into his satchel and felt himself deflate at the meagre snacks his mother had provided for him, but he forced himself to bite back the resentment when he recalled the look on her face when she’d dropped him off. 

Lyall Lupin had refused to accompany his wife and son to King’s Cross, citing an urgent investigatory meeting at work. Hope and Remus had spotted the lie before it was uttered, but neither called him on it. He’d written down terse instructions for Remus in his cramped scrawl and left them on the kitchen table that morning without so much as a glance in his son’s direction. Hope had glared at her husband, but said nothing as she brought Remus a plate of dragon shaped pancakes and placed them on the table with a kiss on his forehead. 

“I’m very proud of you, you know that?”

“Mum…” the 11-year-old whined, but a small smile had appeared on his face despite his protest. 

“You can’t stop me from telling the truth, _cariad._ It’s not every day that your son goes off to boarding school—and to train as a wizard? Remus, I couldn’t be prouder of you. You’ve always been a very brave boy, but this may be the bravest thing I’ve ever seen you do.”

Remus had blushed then, but he knew his mother was right. Going to school in Scotland was going to be a significant adjustment, as he’d never been away from his parents for a period longer than two nights. That was the least of his worries, though. Despite the Headmaster’s reassurances, Remus had no idea how he was going to survive seven years of undergoing lunar transformations without anyone discovering his secret. He’d spent the rest of their breakfast in stoic silence, smiling wanly at his mother’s attempts to lighten the mood, but overwrought with nerves at the idea of what was to come. 

When the two arrived, Remus had glanced down at the sheet of paper and blanched. His mother could only go as far as the muggle platforms with him, the rest he’d have to do on his own. As they approached the brick pillars, his mother had given his hand a gentle squeeze. 

“You know what you’ve got to do, RJ?” Remus had looked up curiously at his mother‘s use of his primary school nickname. She looked dreadfully sad, Remus thought, and he realized with a sudden jolt that he was the cause. Ever since she’d mentioned being brave, he’d been taciturn, and she’d spent the rest of the morning shooting concerned looks his way. Now, as they neared the platform, her worry for him was plainly written on her face. 

Not for the first time, Remus had wondered if he could ditch all of these fancy plans and just stay home with her instead. A pang of guilt coursed through him at the thought, however. His mother had spent the past eleven years caring for him, and the better part of the last six learning everything she could about his condition in order to make his life easier. She didn’t deserve to spend the next seven years burdened with that as well. 

Having decided that he would deal with the guilt of who his _next_ caretaker would be once he actually arrived at the school, Remus pasted a grin on his face to reassure his mother. 

“Yeah mum, I know. Walk through the platform wall with my trunk and go through the second doorway to get onto the train.” The stress lines around his mother’s eyes softened slightly. 

“And when it comes to the sorting, darling? Do you have any questions?”

Remus stiffened. “No, don’t think so.”

“Do you know where you’d like to end up?”

Remus rolled the thought around in his mind for a while before shaking his head. His father had been in Ravenclaw, but Remus had very few memories of ever hearing about the house or its culture. They didn’t have many family friends, and the ones they did have were his mother’s, so they couldn’t offer any insight. After Dumbledore had come to their house, however, Remus had snuck down to the bookshelves past midnight and stolen a dusty looking copy of the first book he could find that seemed to have anything to do with this magical school: _Hogwarts, A History._

As he’d read, he came to understand quite clearly why his father had been placed in Ravenclaw. Despite their estrangement, Remus knew his father, and he’d never met someone more dedicated to the pursuit of knowledge. Continuing on, he’d found Slytherin to be a curious place, but as he’d abandoned any dreams of lofty goals six years ago, he moved on quickly. Hufflepuff seemed decent enough, a house of people who were loyal and trustworthy and kind. He didn’t think he’d mind being placed there. But when Remus read about Gryffindor, his heart had begun to do flips. The _brave_ _,_ the _daring_ _,_ the _chivalrous_ _—_ it was the house where knights would’ve been, where great leaders and good men were made. He’d never experienced a longing to have a label before, but as he read about the Lion’s house, he felt something stirring in his very soul. 

But he’d pushed it down, into the deepest corners of his mind, because he knew better. He wasn’t a brave boy. He wasn’t daring, or made for adventures. He was shy and unassuming and kind—he knew where he was bound to go. So when his mum asked, he feigned innocence, despite his internal resignation. 

“You know what I think, cariad?” Remus looked up. “I think you’ll be in Gryffindor.” She took a shaky breath and wiped an errant tear from her cheek. 

“But no matter where you end up, know that I couldn’t be prouder of you.” Their embrace lasted longer than usual, but when Remus looked back before crossing through the barrier, his mother’s gentle smile was still there, reassuring him. 

So when he’d sat on the stool with the hat on his head and it had asked him where he wanted to go, Remus thought of his mother, and how he’d very much like to be brave.

It was a week before he realized that he could see the castle grounds, clearly, with all of its definition. He’d been wandering around trying to find a comfortable place to read his textbook when James and Sirius had ambled up beside him, with Peter following a moment later. They’d decided it was a great day to poke fun at the giant squid, and dragged Remus along down to the lake’s edge to join in on their fun. He hadn’t gotten much work done, but Remus spent hours that night marveling about the shades of color he’d seen in the blades of grass.

It was the first color, he realized, that he’d ever properly seen. And perhaps his favorite, although he hesitated to tell anyone for fear of being marked as a Slytherin supporter. But he realized quickly enough that it wasn’t just the natural greens that he saw.

He’d been toiling over an essay for hours when James gently pulled the quill from his hand and slid him a bag of crisps instead. The lime color of the package should’ve been repulsive, but instead it was transfixing, just as captivating as those first blades of grass had been. The corridors and classrooms, full of students in the daytime and delightfully vacant in the evenings, held green-ish hues as well and despite his friends’ mocking, he felt quite at home in the potions classroom. 

The great hall, where he was given a house, and the dorms, where he was given a home, were not green themselves, a fact which Remus lamented internally every so often. But the view of the grounds was ever-present, whether he was studying with Lily in the library in the evening or yawning at the Quidditch pitch as he and Peter watched their friends train early in the morning. The old castle was green, Remus decided at age eleven, and there was nothing anyone could say to convince him otherwise.


End file.
